When you hear the phrase "getting emotional", or "emo", what comes to mind?
Bursting into tears out of nowhere? Flying off the handle over the smallest thing? Or feeling low so often that it seems no one in the world understands you?
In truth, there's a more complex psychological mechanism behind these emotional reactions than you might imagine. Today, let's look at it through the lens of psychology and talk it through together: why are some people especially prone to "getting emo"? And what can you do to keep your emotions from dragging you along for the ride?
What does it mean to be "emo"? How does psychology define it?
First, let's clear up a common misconception:
Being "emotional" doesn't make you weak, and it certainly doesn't mean there's a flaw in your character.
In psychology, "getting emotional" is usually linked to emotional dysregulation, which means: a person's ability to notice, understand, manage and adjust their emotions falls short (Gratz & Roemer, 2004).
In other words, when a certain emotion sweeps over you, it isn't that you're not mature enough — it's that your brain is temporarily "unable to regulate that flood of emotion effectively".
Why do we get "emo"?
Research suggests that getting emotional may be related to several psychological processes:
- Being overly sensitive to emotional cues
- Being unable to identify or label your own emotions (alexithymia)
- Emotional reactions that are excessively intense
- A lack of effective emotion-regulation strategies (Gross, 2015)
The 7 psychological causes of getting emotional: it's not as simple as "overthinking"
1) Childhood emotional neglect
Studies have found that a lack of emotional support in childhood can readily affect how a person's emotion regulation develops (Shipman et al., 2007).
If no one taught you how to express your feelings or comfort yourself when you were small, then later in life, facing stress naturally makes emotional outbursts more likely.
2) Habitual negative thinking patterns
So-called "getting emo" often goes hand in hand with cognitive distortions.
Things like blowing negative events out of proportion, overgeneralising, or assuming the worst-case scenario (Beck, 1976).
These negative thought patterns make emotional reactions more intense and more out of control.
3) Physiological factors: the brain and hormones
An overactive amygdala and an underactive prefrontal cortex both make it harder to rein in emotional impulses (Ochsner et al., 2012).
On top of that, physiological conditions such as hormonal fluctuations in women, lack of sleep, and unstable blood sugar can also lower your capacity for emotion regulation.
4) The risk of mental illness
Sometimes getting emotional is linked to a mental health condition, for example:
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD) (Linehan, 1993)
- Depression (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)
- Anxiety disorders (Mennin et al., 2005)
If getting emotional becomes severe over the long term and affects your quality of life, remember to seek professional help.
5) An overwhelming load of stress
When body and mind are stuck in a "high-pressure state" for a long time, your self-regulation resources naturally run dry, and you reach the point where "the smallest thing can set you off". (McEwen, 2007)
6) A lack of emotion-regulation skills
Some people never learned how to manage their emotions growing up, so when stress hits, all that's left are instinctive reactions such as exploding, avoiding, or suppressing (Gross, 2015).
7) Insufficient social support
With no one to confide in and no one who understands, emotional stress "smoulders" inside, and eventually erupts in an even more intense way (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
When "getting emo" starts affecting your life, you may notice these 5 signs
1) Exploding over the smallest thing, then regretting it afterwards
2) Easily feeling drained, empty, or submerged by your emotions
3) More frequent conflicts with family, partners, and colleagues
4) Mood swings affecting your work efficiency, sleep, and appetite
5) A recurring inner critic that says "what's wrong with me"
If several of these ring true for you, psychology has a suggestion: you can start trying to learn some emotion-regulation techniques.
What psychology recommends: 7 practical ways to deal with getting emotional
1) Learn to label your emotions: first put into words exactly how you feel
Don't just say "I'm so emo".
Try to be more specific: "I feel hard done by right now", "I feel overlooked", "I'm really anxious".
This helps the brain make better sense of your emotions (Kashdan et al., 2015).
2) Practise the emotional pause
When your emotions are about to spin out of control, pause for 10 seconds first and take three deep breaths,
letting the amygdala "cool down" and giving the brain room to recalibrate (Tull et al., 2010).
3) Learn mindfulness (Mindfulness)
Research shows that mindfulness training can significantly reduce emotional fluctuations,
and improve your capacity for emotion regulation (Chambers et al., 2009).
Just 10 minutes a day of focused breathing or body-scan practice can be very effective.
4) Build a support network: when you have feelings, find someone to talk to
Friends, family, a counsellor, even an online community —
finding people who are willing to listen and won't judge you matters a great deal (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
5) Physical activity helps emotions move through you
Research suggests that aerobic exercise can help regulate the neurotransmitters involved in emotion,
and activities like walking, jogging, and yoga can all relieve stress effectively (Salmon, 2001).
6) Change your habit of negative thinking
Through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), you can learn to challenge your habitual negative beliefs,
and rein in the tendency to blow negative emotions out of proportion (Beck, 1976).
7) Seek professional psychological help
If getting emotional is already seriously affecting your life, don't hesitate to seek professional help.
Psychotherapy, emotion-management courses, even short-term medication —
any of these could be a turning point (Linehan, 1993).
Getting emotional doesn't mean "there's something wrong with you" — it means "there's an emotion that needs to be properly understood"
If you're being submerged by your emotions right now, please remember:
This is not your fault.
Psychology tells us that behind every emotional reaction is the combined work of the brain, the body, and past experience.
What matters is this: whether you're willing to begin learning to be at peace with your own emotions.
May every emotional storm in your future be met with a little more gentleness.
Explore the MindForest App: with you through every moment of getting emo
Getting emotional isn't your fault, nor is it your weakness — it's a signal that something inside you needs to be understood and cared for. With the MindForest App, you can get to know your own emotional patterns better, find the regulation steps that work for you, and learn to be gentle with your emotions.
?ForestMind AI: your psychological navigator
Whether it's the late nights when emo comes knocking, or the daytime when your emotions leave you struggling for breath, ForestMind responds to your emotional state with caring, practical psychological suggestions, helping you find room to breathe in the midst of the storm.
?Insight Journal: keeping yourself company in words
With the Insight Journal, you can record your mood swings and reflect on what set them off whenever you like, practising putting your emotions clearly into words, so that emo is no longer just a tangled, hard-to-describe mess of feelings.
?Psychological assessments: getting to know your emotions
With psychological assessment tools, you can gain a deeper understanding of your own emotional reaction patterns and stress triggers, and find the emotion-management strategy that suits you best.
Download MindForest now to have it with you through every emo moment, and let's practise turning emotions into something that carries more strength!
References
Adrian, M., Zeman, J., & Veits, G. (2011). Methodological implications of the affect revolution: a 35-year review of emotion regulation assessment in children. Journal of experimental child psychology, 110(2), 171–197. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jecp.2011.03.009
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.
Chambers, R., Gullone, E., & Allen, N. B. (2009). Mindful emotion regulation: An integrative review. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(6), 560-572.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310.
Glenn, C. R., & Klonsky, E. D. (2010). A multimethod analysis of impulsivity in nonsuicidal self-injury. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 1(1), 67-75.
Gratz, K. L., & Roemer, L. (2004). Multidimensional assessment of emotion regulation and dysregulation: Development, factor structure, and initial validation. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 26(1), 41-54.
Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1-26.
Kashdan, T. B., Barrett, L. F., & McKnight, P. E. (2015). Unpacking emotion differentiation. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(1), 10-16.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873-904.
Mennin, D. S., Heimberg, R. G., Turk, C. L., & Fresco, D. M. (2005). Preliminary evidence for an emotion dysregulation model of generalized anxiety disorder. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 43(10), 1281-1310.
Nock, M. K. (2010). Self-injury. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 339-363.
Ochsner, K. N., Silvers, J. A., & Buhle, J. T. (2012). Functional imaging studies of emotion regulation: A synthetic review and evolving model of the cognitive control of emotion. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1251(1), E1-E24.
Salmon, P. (2001). Effects of physical exercise on anxiety, depression, and sensitivity to stress. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(1), 33-61.
Shipman, K. L., Zeman, J., Penza-Clyve, S., & Champion, K. (2007). Emotion management skills in sexually maltreated and nonmaltreated girls: A developmental psychopathology perspective. Development and Psychopathology, 12(1), 47-62.
Tull, M. T., Barrett, H. M., McMillan, E. S., & Roemer, L. (2010). A preliminary investigation of the relationship between emotion regulation difficulties and posttraumatic stress symptoms. Behavior Therapy, 38(3), 303-313.
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