What impression do people without confidence leave you with? Chances are the answer is someone who shrinks from everything and harbours deep doubts about their ability to get anything done — yet, ironically, the one thing they hold absolute confidence in is a negative idea such as "I'm bound to fail" or "I really am useless."
"Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude" is, without question, a timeless maxim of management and success literature the world over, urging people to stay positive and to fight their way upward. At the same time it points to how pessimism, defeatism and the "self-fulfilling prophecy" mindset ultimately stifle personal growth. Yet rewiring a long-held fixed mindset is far easier said than done! Why does the belief behind the "self-fulfilling prophecy" only seem to grow stronger over time rather than fade away? And how, exactly, can we break this curse?
The Background of the "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy"
Where the "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" Came From
The "self-fulfilling prophecy" phenomenon was first put forward by the American sociologist William Isaac Thomas in 1928, who wrote, "If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences" — meaning that the way a person initially interprets an event leads to a corresponding outcome. Later, another American sociologist, Robert King Merton, was the first to use the term "Self-fulfilling Prophecy," defining it as "…a belief or expectation, correct or incorrect, could bring about a desired or expected outcome."
Defining the "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy"
Put simply, the phenomenon describes how a person's initial expectation shapes their concrete behaviour, so that the outcome of the whole affair matches that original expectation, which in turn reinforces the expectation and makes the person believe even more firmly in its truth. A fairly "down-to-earth" example would be a "loser in love" who has always assumed he never had the chance (or the luck) to make female friends from primary school through secondary school, and so carries thoughts like "Chances to meet someone just aren't for me!" or "She's bound to reject me!" Even after getting into university he remains too timid to take the initiative to get to know women (such as approaching them during orientation or campus activities) — so after four years he still hasn't won any woman's favour, which only cements his self-image of "I really am a hopeless dud!", dragging him into a bottomless spiral and a vicious cycle.
The "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" Can Wreck a Life
Can the "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" Be a Positive Thing?
You might raise the following objection: from a theoretical standpoint, the "self-fulfilling prophecy" is arguably not a wholly negative phenomenon. If the initial thought is optimistic and positive, won't the person then be full of motivation, rising to the challenge and reaching their goal? Unfortunately, as we all know full well, "putting in the effort" is only a necessary condition for "success." For example, even if your goal is to get into a university medical school, no matter how much energy and time you pour into your studies, there is never any guarantee that you will get in — because any "success" also contains external environmental factors, or an element of "luck." Conversely, refusing to put in the effort is a perfectly sufficient condition for "failure." Hence, those who reach "success" through a benign "self-fulfilling prophecy" tend to be few in number, while those who, through a malignant "self-fulfilling prophecy," squander their youth and drift through life without purpose are too many to count — and mainstream psychology research has accordingly leaned towards the latter.
A Harbinger of Depression and Hopelessness
Beyond squandering one's prime, another negative consequence of the "self-fulfilling prophecy" is its effect on mental health. If a person comes to believe, over the long term, that everything they do is futile and a waste of effort, then over time they grow "resigned" and lose any motivation to change, passively accepting whatever comes their way (while remaining ill at ease with the situation). Martin Seligman, the founding father of positive psychology, called this phenomenon "learned helplessness," and it is closely linked to depression and other related mental illnesses.
Rebuilding Resolve, Starting from "Belief"
"Out with the Old, In with the New": A Breakthrough in Thinking
The sections above set out how the "self-fulfilling prophecy" can wreck your life. So how, exactly, can we reclaim our motivation and become the "helmsman" of our own life's journey? Mainstream psychotherapy's approach is to correct these erroneous, maladaptive old thought patterns — for instance, "cognitive therapy (cognitive therapy)" and "rational emotive behavior therapy." These orientations hold that mistaken thinking stifles personal growth and change, and that by replacing long-used erroneous thoughts with "correct" ones, the person will gradually become willing to take that first step and accept new attempts.
Walking Alongside "Sorrow," Living in the Present
In recent years, a growing body of research indicates that deliberately avoiding or twisting negative emotions and thoughts is not only effortful and futile, but also wastes the time, attention and "psychic energy" that could be used for other meaningful activities. With this in mind, some psychotherapy orientations in recent years, such as "mindfulness (mindfulness)" and "acceptance and commitment therapy (acceptance and commitment therapy)," do not advocate "correcting" a person's thought patterns in a directive way. Instead, through a series of experiential exercises in "being in the here-and-now," they let the person (1) learn to coexist with negative thoughts rather than eliminate them, and (2) view all of life's circumstances (especially adversity) with equanimity and a defusing attitude, thereby reducing the negative drag that negative thoughts and emotions exert on the person's struggle towards their goals. Two of the "defusing" methods are (1) changing "definitely / bound to" into "possibly / perhaps," and (2) when a negative thought arises, prefacing the sentence with "I notice I'm telling myself…" — for example, turning the negative thought "I'm bound to fail at this!" into "I notice I'm telling myself that, in this matter, I might handle failure."
Seek the Truth from Facts, and Please Don't "Attack the Person"
As for schooling and family education, the surest way to keep students and children from falling into the "self-fulfilling prophecy" is to never, ever tell them they are "not cut out for it," "mediocre" or "lacking talent" — because even young children know full well that "aptitude," "IQ" and "talent" are innate and impossible to change. If elders attribute their underperformance to the reasons above when it falls short of expectations, isn't that as good as telling them "Give it up! You can't change reality anyway" or "Just give up!"? Hence, the more ideal approach is to praise the effort they have put in, while at the same time pointing out where they still need to work and how they can improve.
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In Closing
Finally, the writer borrows two lines from the lyrics of "Below the Lion Rock," sung by Roman Tam — "Life always has its joys, and inevitably its tears too" — to bring out the point that only an inner "stillness" can carry us through the storms life will bring in the days ahead.
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