In the haze of a budding relationship, we can't help wondering whether the other person has a crush on us. Today I want to share how psychology can help you judge whether someone might be falling for you.
Sign #1 – Blushing or tensing up
When someone blushes or becomes visibly tense in front of you, it may be a sign that they have a crush on you.
In psychology, the arousal response refers to the physiological and emotional reactions a person has to a particular stimulus, and these can be divided into high arousal and low arousal. A high-arousal state is generally one of excitement or tension, whereas low arousal tends to mean calm or relaxation.
In the Suspension Bridge Experiment (Dutton & Aron, 1974), an attractive female research assistant interacted with single men, in one case on a suspension bridge and in another on flat ground. The study found that the men on the bridge were more likely than those on flat ground to make contact with the research assistant afterwards, attempting to build a romantic connection. When people are in a high-arousal state, they may misattribute the physiological feeling of tension as attraction to, or a crush on, another person. And when someone has a crush on you, they may display high-arousal reactions in front of you, such as blushing or tensing up.
That said, we must avoid over-reading another person's feelings. They may feel tense or uneasy for any number of reasons, and it isn't necessarily a crush. We should observe more of these psychological signs before we can understand someone's feelings more accurately.
Sign #2 – Similarity
Psychological research shows that similarity fosters emotional connection between people (Wetzel & Insko, 1982). When we hear someone we have a crush on say something like "I feel like we're really alike," it often touches us deeply, because it isn't just an emotional resonance but a psychological recognition too. In the context of a crush especially, words like these can make us feel a deeper bond with the other person.
Similarity can span many dimensions, such as interests, hobbies, values, and even things that seem trivial. If you notice that the other person often seeks out common ground with you in conversation, or suggests taking part in an activity together, this isn't just a sign that they're working to build a connection with you — it may also be a sign that they have feelings for you. For example, if the two of you sign up together for an interest class, this deliberate process of building similarity may be one of the ways someone shows they have a crush on you.
Sign #3 – Proximity
Proximity is an important element in romantic feelings (Schneider, Gruman, & Coutts, 2012).
Physical proximity can increase the likelihood of a crush developing into a relationship. For instance, being physically close gives people more chances to meet and interact, which builds familiarity and fondness between them. This is why people who see each other often — colleagues, neighbours, or classmates — are more likely to develop a crush. Sometimes a chance encounter at a party, or the everyday interactions in an office, may look unintentional but are in fact deliberately arranged by the person with the crush.
On top of that, when one person has a crush on another, you'll notice that the physical contact between them increases. From a light pat on the shoulder to a brush of the hand, these are wordless ways of deepening the emotional connection. Such behaviours aren't only a display of romantic feeling — they also deepen the intimacy and trust between the two people.
Psychological proximity is another important part of a romantic relationship. Psychological proximity refers to how close you feel to the other person on a psychological level; this sense often arises from an emotional connection and a deep mutual understanding, and it too is a sign of a crush.
When someone has a crush on you, they usually show a strong interest in getting to know you better. There's a saying I find very meaningful: "Interesting people are interested." Truly interesting people aren't just those who can talk in a captivating way — they're the ones who are genuinely interested in what you have to say. People like this make you feel valued, because they truly care about your thoughts and feelings, and that naturally narrows the psychological distance between you.
Sign #4 – Non-verbal communication
First, eye contact is an especially powerful form of non-verbal communication. As the saying goes, "the eyes are the window to the soul." Through eye contact, we can convey our fondness for, or crush on, another person, and sometimes a single deep look is enough to set off sparks on both sides.
Second, when we're in conversation with someone, if both sides feel a connection, our bodies naturally lean slightly forward. This is a form of body language that draws us closer to the other person, signalling our interest in the conversation and in them. It isn't limited to romantic feelings — it applies to all kinds of communication.
Some people may wonder whether, having learned these non-verbal communication techniques, they can use them to boost their own appeal. But genuine attraction isn't achieved by deliberately imitating certain behaviours. What matters is having the right mindset: when you naturally express genuine interest in the other person and engage with them on a foundation of respect, the psychological and physical proximity between you will grow of its own accord.
Download MindForest AI to build the psychological resilience to handle the worries of romance
MindForest is a psychology-based AI app that offers a range of tools and strategies to help you navigate emotional challenges.
1) Use psychology-based techniques to build psychological resilience: the interactive courses MindForest provides combine in-depth psychological insight to help you manage stress and build psychological resilience. These courses help steady your emotions, so you can think more clearly and understand yourself in the midst of a crush.
2) An AI guide offering personalised consultation: MindForest includes a professional AI guide that deeply understands the emotional ups and downs caused by matters of the heart. This guide offers emotional support and targeted advice, helping you handle the worries of romance with mature emotional wisdom.
3) A reflective journal that encourages self-discovery: when facing emotional challenges, recording your emotional journey is very important. MindForest's reflective journal feature lets you note your own feelings and reactions, building self-awareness and helping you understand your psychological state during a crush.
By using MindForest, you'll master the essential skills for managing emotional stress and cultivate the psychological resilience needed to overcome emotional difficulties. This not only helps you cope with the emotional worries of the moment, but also supports your long-term mental health and personal growth.
More important than reading the signs of a crush is communicating sincerely
To sum up, while recognising the signs of a crush may help a relationship develop, what matters more is sincere communication. Sincere communication is built on a foundation of openness and honesty, and it fosters the understanding and trust between you and the person you have a crush on — the key to any relationship's long-term stability and growth. By sincerely expressing your own thoughts and feelings to the person you have a crush on, while respecting and listening to them, you can build a more solid foundation in the relationship.
If you're facing emotional difficulties, the professional team at TreeholeHK can help — we offer psychotherapy and counselling services led by clinical psychologists, counselling psychologists, and counsellors.
References
Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510–517.
Wetzel, C. G., & Insko, C. A. (1982). The similarity–attraction relationship: Is there an ideal one? Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 18(3), 253–276.
Schneider, F.W., Gruman J.A., & Coutts, L.M. (2012).
Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems. Second Edition. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc.
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