Single by Choice, Not by Default
Society loves to brand being single as lonely, pitiable, incomplete. Psychology keeps telling us otherwise: being single is a conscious life choice and a journey of deep self-growth.
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Society loves to brand being single as lonely, pitiable, incomplete. Psychology keeps telling us otherwise: being single is a conscious life choice and a journey of deep self-growth.
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When you hear the word "single", what surfaces in your mind? A lonely silhouette walking the streets alone? Or the helpless, forced smile when relatives pressure you to marry?
Society loves to slap the labels "lonely, pitiable, incomplete" onto being single. But psychological research keeps reminding us: being single is, in fact, a conscious life choice — and a journey of deep self-growth (Kislev, 2019).
Today, let's shift our perspective and rediscover the meaning of being "single".
In the past, society largely viewed being single as a "life-not-yet-completed" stage. But research has found that more and more adults are choosing to be single, and the psychological well-being of single people is no lower than that of those with partners (Beckmeyer & Jamison, 2023).
The psychologist Kislev (2019) goes further: "Being single is an active way of life, not a blank period spent passively waiting for love."
Have you ever felt anxious because "everyone around me has fallen in love"? Does that kind of comparison really help you live any better?
Being single means your schedule is arranged for you alone.
Fancy a spur-of-the-moment trip? Set off right now. Want to curl up at home, binge a series, do nothing all day? You owe no one an explanation.
Psychological research has also found that single people generally enjoy greater autonomy and a stronger sense of control over their lives than married people do (DePaulo, 2019; Kislev, 2019). This kind of freedom is not just the right to choose your itinerary — it is the right to take charge of how you live.
Psychologists point out that long-term single people actually show stronger performance in emotional regulation, self-awareness and psychological resilience (Pepping et al., 2018).
When you're on your own, you have more chances to learn to listen to yourself and to comfort yourself; facing solitude, you also slowly cultivate the ability to heal yourself (Hoan & MacDonald, 2024).
Perhaps you, too, have asked yourself late at night: "What is it that I really need right now?" That inner dialogue is, in fact, quietly building your psychological immunity.
Being single does not mean an absence of love and support.
In fact, research has found that single people are more agile in their social interactions, have wider friendship networks, and draw on more diverse sources of social support (Sarkisian & Gerstel, 2016).
They know how to spread their emotional reliance, rather than piling every expectation onto "one single person". The companionship of friends, the support of family, the connection of community — these instead give them more energy and resilience within their relationships.
Perhaps it hadn't occurred to you, but being single can actually help you develop healthier living habits.
One health-psychology study points out that single people score higher than some married groups on health indicators such as exercise frequency and physical activity levels (Puciato & Rozpara, 2021).
With no need to compromise your routine to fit someone else's, you can choose an early-morning jog, a workout after work, a weekend hike. The single chapter is the best stage for cultivating self-care and a healthy lifestyle.
Being single has never been a romantic failure — it is a preparatory period of self-exploration and growth.
Psychological research points out that people who consciously choose to be single, and who are willing to spend time understanding their own needs and boundaries, often build healthier, more stable partnered dynamics when they later invest in a romantic relationship (Owen et al., 2013).
Rather than "sliding" passively into a relationship that doesn't truly fit, it is better, during your single days, to gradually understand your needs, your landmines and your longings within intimate relationships.
When you are ready to begin a new chapter of love, you will know better how to set boundaries, how to express your emotions, and how to tell what love it is that you truly want.
Being single is not a blank — it is a stretch of time that lets you become better.
The freedom and the upsides of being single — rationally, we all understand them. But emotion never listens to reason.
Sometimes, on a night alone, negative feelings still creep up on you.
Psychologists have found that the following are the 5 biggest psychological traps single people most often fall into:
"Why am I still single? Is something wrong with me?"
"Is it that nobody likes me? Or am I just not worthy of being loved?"
"What if I'm like this for the rest of my life? Could I get through it?"
"Other people's happiness is on such loud display — why does my life feel like it has nothing?"
"Is it because I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not interesting enough, that no one loves me?"
The psychologists Heinrich and Gullone (2006) remind us:
Loneliness comes more from "how we feel" than necessarily from "how alone we actually are".
Sometimes, even with people clearly around us, we still feel lonely; conversely, on a day spent alone, as long as our heart feels grounded, we can live a very rich life.
Single days can be free at times, lonely at others. Sometimes you feel that being on your own is just fine; sometimes, late at night, you wonder again: "Can I really keep walking this path forever?"
Psychology tells us: solitude itself is not the enemy; what matters is how we get along with it. The 5 psychological-adjustment steps below are the starting point for helping you transform "loneliness" into "inner strength".
Many people, the moment they feel lonely, habitually open social media, binge a series or scroll through short videos, hoping to fill the inner emptiness with information or entertainment. But that brief anaesthesia is often only suppression; it cannot truly resolve the unease inside.
Psychology suggests: when negative emotions well up, don't rush to avoid them. Instead, stop and use "mindfulness" to feel your own emotional state.
Here is a simple exercise:
Only when you face your emotions honestly do you have a chance to find the psychological need behind them.
Expressing emotions in writing can lower anxiety and depressive feelings and improve emotional-regulation ability (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016).
Spend 10 minutes each day trying to answer the following questions:
Through writing, you will discover: behind the loneliness, there are in fact many psychological voices that have never been properly heard.
Loneliness sometimes comes from "social hunger" — not from having no one around, but from lacking connection that feels meaningful and has depth.
If single people can build a stable system of social support, it not only eases loneliness but also significantly raises well-being and psychological resilience (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
Action suggestions:
This is not about filling time, but about letting yourself feel anew that "I am needed" and "I am of value".
Research points out that "psychological rituals" can help people build a sense of stability and security during transitional periods or in stressful situations (Norton & Gino, 2014).
Design a small weekly ritual for yourself:
These rituals are not idle ways to kill time; they are you telling yourself: "My happiness doesn't have to rely on someone else to grant it."
Sometimes, it is hard to climb out of an emotional low on your own. At times like these, clinical psychologists, counselling, and even emotional-support hotlines are all safe outlets.
Seeking help is absolutely not weakness — it is a mature act of self-care.
You can try:
Give yourself a word of encouragement:
"I can walk this journey on my own, but I don't have to bear all the pain alone."
"Being single is not being unloved — it is learning to love yourself more deeply."
"Your worth is not decided by whether someone is holding your hand, but by whether you are willing to keep yourself good company through every single day."
Whoever you are right now — whether you are savouring single life with ease, or occasionally sinking into a low — please remember: you are already good enough, complete enough, worthy enough of being loved.
Being single shouldn't be an endless emotional tug-of-war — it can be a kind of spiritual practice. Through the MindForest App, you can come to understand yourself more deeply, embrace your emotions, and find your way back to psychological balance.
Whether it's loneliness, anxiety or unease about the future, ForestMind will, based on your emotional patterns, offer tailored psychological-support suggestions and walk through the low periods alongside you.
Write down your mood each day, track how your emotions change, and practise self-observation and inner dialogue — so that being single is no longer silent endurance, but gentle companionship.
Through a psychological assessment, you can know more clearly:
Download the MindForest App now, and let it accompany you on your single journey as you live out a strength and ease that are truly your own.
References
Beckmeyer, J. J., & Jamison, T. B. (2023). Emerging adults’ attitudes toward being single. Emerging Adulthood, 11(2), 112–125.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
DePaulo, B. (2019, May 17). The social lives of single people. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-single/201905/the-social-lives-single-people
Fisher, J. D., Nadler, A., & Whitcher-Alagna, S. (2021). Recipient reactions to aid. Psychological Bulletin, 129(3), 387–413.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Three Rivers Press.
Heinrich, L. M., & Gullone, E. (2006). The clinical significance of loneliness: A literature review. Clinical Psychology Review, 26(6), 695–718.
Hoan, S., & MacDonald, G. (2024). Gender differences in single adults’ well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 50(1), 45–59.
Kislev, E. (2019). Happy singlehood: The rising acceptance and celebration of solo living. University of California Press.
Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Norton, M. I., & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of experimental psychology. General, 143(1), 266–272. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031772
Owen, J., Rhoades, G. K., & Stanley, S. M. (2013). Sliding versus Deciding in Relationships: Associations with Relationship Quality, Commitment, and Infidelity. Journal of couple & relationship therapy, 12(2), 135–149. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2013.779097
Pepping, C. A., MacDonald, G., & Davis, P. J. (2018). Toward a psychology of singlehood: An attachment-theory perspective on long-term singlehood. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 27(5), 324–331. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721417752106
Puciato, D., & Rozpara, M. (2021). Physical activity and socio-economic status of single and married urban adults: a cross-sectional study. PeerJ, 9, e12466. https://doi.org/10.7717/peerj.12466
Rawlins, W. K. (2009). Friendship matters: Communication, dialectics, and the life course. Transaction Publishers.
Sarkisian, N., & Gerstel, N. (2016). Does singlehood isolate or integrate? Examining the link between marital status and ties to kin, friends, and neighbors. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(3), 361-384.
Psychology
Love & Relationships
Love & Relationships
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