Have you ever wanted to change someone? Have you tried to talk a friend into taking your advice, or hoped a partner, a colleague, even your boss would come round to your way of thinking — only to find that the harder you tried, the more stuck things became, with results worse than you expected? We often assume that if we just push a little harder, we'll break through the other person's resistance, but it tends to backfire, and sometimes it even damages the relationship. The truth is, changing other people's behaviour and attitudes doesn't have to take so much effort. Through the wisdom of psychology, we can find easier, more effective ways to help others change. Let's explore these simple, practical psychology techniques together, and make change light and easy!
5 easy ways to change other people: the REDUCE model
Recently I read a thought-provoking psychology book, The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone's Mind, by Jonah Berger. In it he sets out a systematic approach that helps us pinpoint what's blocking a change in behaviour, and offers practical strategies for clearing those obstacles one step at a time.
The "catalyst" in the title means exactly that — a catalyst. You might remember from secondary-school chemistry that, when you wanted a reaction to happen, the usual choice was to apply heat. Heating does work, but it's also rather aggressive: it wastes resources and can be dangerous. A catalyst is different. It creates the conditions or the platform for change, letting the reaction happen naturally — both efficient and safe.
Jonah Berger explores this idea in depth in the book and proposes a "REDUCE" model, covering five systematic methods that help us promote change the way a catalyst does:
1) Reactance: when people feel pressured, they often resist change all the more. We need to avoid triggering this reaction.
2) Endowment Effect: people are usually more inclined to hold on to what they already have than to risk trying something new.
3) Distance: change needs to happen gradually; too big a leap is hard for people to accept.
4) Uncertainty: faced with something new, people often hold back for fear of the unknown. We need to ease that apprehension.
5) Corroborating Evidence: people more readily accept a case backed from several sides, which makes the argument for change more persuasive.
Put these five elements together and, like a catalyst, they help us bring about change in a lighter, more natural way. In what follows, we'll unpack each element in turn and see how to apply it in everyday life, so that change no longer feels so hard.
1) Reactance: understand what the other person is wrestling with
The first element that blocks change is psychological reactance. This shows up all the time in everyday interactions — say, when we try to nudge someone into doing something, but they instinctively resist, and may even deliberately do the opposite. For example: a couple agree to take turns washing the dishes, but when one notices the other hasn't kept to the arrangement, they start nagging and applying pressure. Even when reason is on your side, this approach tends to backfire.
To lower psychological reactance, we need to shift our angle and think differently. Rather than forcing the other person to push past their resistance, it's better to try to understand where their "resistance point" actually lies. For instance, instead of repeating "do it, do it, do it," try turning it into a genuine question: "Why aren't you doing it? Could you talk me through it?" The key is to keep your tone gentle and avoid making the other person feel interrogated. An approach like this can not only open up a way in for change, but also leave the other person feeling respected.
On top of that, giving the other person room to choose can also lower reactance effectively. For example, in the couple's situation, a more mature way of communicating might be: "Here's how I see it — why don't you tell me what you think, is there anything you'd add?" This kind of phrasing gives the other person a sense of involvement and control, which eases their feelings of resistance. Once both sides have built a foundation of give-and-take and cooperation, the intensity of psychological reactance naturally drops, and change becomes easier to achieve.
2) Endowment Effect: make clear the cost of keeping the status quo
The second obstacle to change is the endowment effect, which describes our psychological attachment to what we already own or to the way things currently are. This effect comes from an experiment in psychology: researchers randomly split participants into two groups and gave each a gift of comparable value — say, an alarm clock and a water glass. They then asked the participants whether they'd be willing to swap the gift in their hands. The result: very few people chose to swap, even though the two gifts were worth almost the same. The choice is clearly irrational, because gifts handed out at random ought to make the willingness to swap come out roughly fifty-fifty — but the experiment revealed a psychological bias: once we already own something, we hold on to it without realising.
This mindset doesn't just affect our everyday choices; it also makes persuading others harder. When we try to change someone's behaviour or habits, they usually lean towards keeping things as they are, because that feels safer and more familiar. So how do we get past this psychological barrier? The key is to help the other person see what cost or loss the status quo carries.
For example, if you want to cultivate the habit of reading, telling yourself it will make you more knowledgeable or help you discover new interests may not be enough of a draw. But try flipping the question and asking yourself: "If I never start reading, what will I lose in the future?" The answer might be opportunities for career growth or a richer perspective. This way of thinking is far more likely to spark the motivation to change.
In the same way, when people are weighing up whether to end a relationship, the endowment effect comes into play too, making them overly attached to the relationship they already have. But if you think about it from a more detached angle — "If I stay in a relationship like this, what will I lose?" — you might realise that remaining in an unsuitable relationship could be holding you back from true happiness or growth.
By helping the other person understand the cost of the status quo, rather than simply painting a picture of the benefits of change, we can break the endowment effect more effectively and make change more appealing.
3) Distance: edge towards the goal step by step
The third obstacle to change is distance. People's views and behaviour usually only shift by small degrees over a short period, rather than transforming wholesale. Yet when we try to persuade others, the mistake we often make is wanting them to get there in one go — to adopt outright a view completely opposite to their original position. An expectation like that is almost bound to fail.
Take an example: if someone's position is completely against abortion, and you demand straight away that they accept the view that "abortion should be allowed under any circumstances," they may well find the proposal so extreme that they fall into the "zone of rejection" — the range that is psychologically impossible to accept. Even if your view is well reasoned and well evidenced, a persuasion style like this will only make them cling more firmly to their original position.
A more effective approach is to narrow the distance between your positions step by step. For instance, you could start with a milder question: "In some extreme situations — say, a pregnancy resulting from rape — do you think abortion could be allowed?" A question like this gives the other person room to think, without making them feel their position is being wholly rejected. Once they've signalled agreement on this step, you can then gradually guide them towards exploring other possibilities.
This "one step at a time" strategy works better than demanding the other person clear a vast psychological gulf in a single bound. Like climbing a mountain, change takes time and a gradual process, rather than happening all at once. When you let the other person advance just one small step at a time, they're more likely to be willing to move towards your goal, and ultimately to bring about a shift in their views.
4) Uncertainty: lower the cost of trying something new
The fourth element is uncertainty. Whenever we face change, our hearts are often full of apprehension — worried about whether the change will suit us, or whether we'll be able to go back if it doesn't. This sense of uncertainty becomes one of the main reasons we hold off from taking action.
Take an example: suppose you're someone who loves exercise, but your partner isn't interested in it, and you want to talk them into taking up water sports with you. You might put forward two proposals. The first: telling them, "Why don't we go to the sports shop together at the weekend, buy a set of water-sports gear, and then we can start water activities." The second proposal: suggesting that they "go and find a free water-sports taster session this weekend, give it a try and see how it goes, then decide whether to buy anything at all."
They're very likely to choose the second proposal, because the first involves more uncertainty. Having bought the water-sports gear, if it turns out they don't enjoy water activities, not only is the money wasted, but they may also feel let down. By comparison, the second proposal carries a far lower cost and not much risk. Even if they don't enjoy it, there's no great loss.
This principle can be applied to persuading other people too. When we want to change someone's behaviour, lowering the cost of trying greatly increases their willingness to accept it. In the business world, this is why so many companies offer trial schemes or free experiences — because doing so eases consumers' doubts about a product and makes it easier for them to try something new. By lowering uncertainty, we can make the other person more willing to give things a go, and so bring about a change in behaviour.
5) Corroborating Evidence: provide support from several sides
The final element is corroborating evidence. What this means is that when we want to change someone's deeply rooted ideas or behaviour, supporting evidence from different angles makes the persuasion process more effective. Imagine you want to help someone who uses drugs to give them up: the family and friends around them may have urged them repeatedly, but advice like this often goes in one ear and out the other, and doesn't easily lead to change.
This is where evidence from several sides becomes crucial. According to this principle, the effect is greater when evidence from different people can be expressed together in a concentrated way. For instance, if this person genuinely wants to change their behaviour, then rather than persuading them one by one, why not let everyone close to them take turns at a family gathering to voice their reasons for hoping they'll change? Of course, these reasons should avoid blame; what matters is making the other person feel that all of this comes out of love and support for them.
An approach like this makes the other person feel a strong sense of pressure, and although they may push back somewhat, when the issue is significant enough, this approach can usually bring about deeper change. The same principle can be applied in other settings too, such as the workplace. If you want a colleague to change their behaviour, simply pointing things out one by one may have little effect, and might even leave the other person feeling exasperated. But if, at a key moment, you can gather the support of several colleagues and apply these psychological principles, your chances of success increase greatly.
Download the MindForest App and change others with ease
Sometimes we want to change other people's thinking or behaviour, only to find it isn't easy, and that's exactly where MindForest can become your capable helper. Here are the three core features of MindForest that guide others towards positive change:
1) Personalised goals that help you guide others to change their behaviour
MindForest helps you set your own goals for relationships and behaviour change, whether that's helping a friend build new healthy habits or shifting the way they think. The AI guide tailors its suggestions based on your history of interactions with the other person, helping you pick the best moment and approach for guiding them.
2) Reminders from the AI guide to help you promote change more effectively
MindForest not only helps remind you to engage in effective interactions on a regular basis, and so influence the other person's behaviour. The AI gives concrete suggestions based on your patterns of communication, helping you choose more suitable topics and ways to engage with the other person.
3) An inspiration journal that helps you reflect and adjust your strategy
Each time you communicate with someone, MindForest's guided journal feature helps you record the other person's reactions and adjust based on the feedback. For example, the AI helps you analyse whether you used the right tone when guiding someone — whether you were too forceful or too cautious — and offers suggestions for improvement based on the specific situation.
Download MindForest now and use the power of AI to help others make positive changes — and improve your relationships along the way!
References
Berger, J. (2020). The catalyst: how to change anyone’s mind. First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition. New York, Simon & Schuster.
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