Taiwan's #MeToo wave has been burning relentlessly of late, and among those caught up in it, Huang Zijiao was further accused of sexual harassment. After the allegation surfaced, Huang spoke openly about his troubled family of origin — recounting how he had witnessed his mother's infidelity, how that cast a shadow over his childhood, and how it led him onto the wrong path of becoming an abuser himself. Does the family of origin really hold such sway over us? Some argue that Huang was merely making excuses for his own wrongdoing, and that he overstated the family of origin's influence. Yet the family of origin's influence on us is indeed considerable — many only come to recognise it years later, and some never grasp where the trouble lies at all.
Bowen Family Systems Theory
A single person's problem may, beneath the surface, set off a whole chain of factors. The psychiatrist Dr. Murray Bowen put forward Family Systems Theory, in which he held that a person's problem is not confined to themselves but arises as the symptomatic expression of an entire family system in difficulty. The theory sets out eight factors, each interlocking with the family of origin: 1) differentiation of self 2) triangles 3) the nuclear family emotional system 4) the family projection process 5) emotional cutoff 6) the multigenerational transmission process 7) sibling position 8) societal regression — of which differentiation of self and triangles are at the theory's core.
Differentiation of self: the family of origin and a child's marriage and career
Under high-pressure circumstances, keeping one's emotions in proper check is no simple matter. Differentiation of self represents our capacity to separate intellect from emotion, so a person with high differentiation of self can, even under great pressure, still make choices and responses with objective, level-headed reasoning. Emotional Fusion is one of the markers of differentiation of self — it covers whether a person blindly goes along with others, and whether their emotions are swept up by the whole family or by individual relatives. People with high differentiation of self are not cold-blooded or indifferent towards those around them; rather, they can clearly recognise their own needs and values, and are not easily knocked off balance emotionally by the people around them. Those with low differentiation of self, by contrast, are more readily influenced by the family of origin's reasoning, more easily become emotion-driven, and so find it harder to handle conflict in everyday life.
The environment a child grows up in within the family of origin matters enormously to their development — it can even shape how they get along with a partner in later life — which is why a family's capacity for differentiation of self is so pivotal. If family members know how to respect one another, are mindful of each other's right to autonomy, and at the same time care for one another and sustain a close relationship, then a child raised in such a family of origin will learn to respect themselves, develop their social skills, and so learn to handle the difficulties of everyday intimate relationships effectively. In psychology, we call this kind of family an "effectively differentiated" family system (Effective / Well-differentiated Systems). Conversely, if an individual has a high degree of Emotional Fusion with their family of origin, they are emotionally more susceptible to outside influence and find it hard to balance connection with the family against personal independence. They often struggle to set proper boundaries in intimate relationships, and feel pressured and at a loss over the work of sustaining them. Under high-pressure circumstances — facing predicaments such as sudden unemployment or the loss of a close friend — they often do not know how to handle their other intimate relationships. At such moments their responses may be more extreme, such as becoming overly dependent on a partner or choosing to keep a partner at arm's length, so as to "protect" themselves by staying clear of harm. The family of origin, it seems, has an enormous bearing on how a child relates to a partner, and even on their marriage in later life.
The family of origin may also influence our choice of career direction. Research has found that strict rules within a family and a high degree of Emotional Fusion may cause children to lose their independence and struggle to make career-direction choices. The family of origin's past patterns of employment may likewise shape our own later career choices. Suppose you are the daughter of the household: if your mother still chose to take up paid work after giving birth, then in later life you too will look to your family for cues, inclining towards becoming a working mother and dismissing the idea of being a homemaker. Or, say, you come from a "family of doctors" — if your degree of emotional fusion is high, you too will be shaped by the family's occupational background, and choose to become a doctor regardless of your own interests.
Triangles: the child as the family of origin's greatest casualty
Bowen proposed that within triangles, family members are emotionally interlocked. A triangle here does not refer to a love triangle between partners and a third party; rather, when the relationship between two family members grows tense or anxious, a third person is drawn in to ease the situation. The most common example of a triangle is parents and a child. For instance, when conflict arises between a couple, they may shift their attention onto their child, trying to make the child the mediator between them. Suppose you are the daughter of the household: your parents have a troubled marriage and quarrel constantly, so as the third party you can step in to mediate their quarrels and ease the family atmosphere. Yet if the third party takes one side when stepping in, then the triangle cannot improve the situation, and will instead leave the other party feeling like the odd man out.
When drawn into a triangle, the third party becomes emotionally caught up in it, which adds to the third party's stress, and may even heighten the family's overall anxiety. Some scholars hold that, compared with the parents, the child is the most vulnerable within the triangle, and that being drawn in may cause the child harm. Research indicates that children drawn into triangles are more inclined to blame themselves for the family's problems, and so develop conditions such as depression, anxiety and social withdrawal, affecting their socialising in later life (in psychology, we call these internalizing problems). Adolescents, as children, are especially vulnerable within triangles — their age falling between adult and child — and even if they have the ability to intervene in a problem, they are unable to detach themselves emotionally afterwards, which affects the parent-child relationship and may even lead to problems with schoolwork, substance abuse and the like.
How to cope with the family of origin's influence? Finding a way out of the bottomless well within
From the moment we are born, the family of origin begins to preside over our growth, shaping our later development in a quiet, imperceptible way. Perhaps you have not yet recognised the family of origin's influence on you, but it may already be invisibly shaping every move and every thought in our lives. The family of origin can bring us an irreplaceable warmth, yet it can also become a wound that torments us for a lifetime. In the face of the family of origin's negative influence, forgiveness is of course a good thing — but forgiveness is not something achieved in an instant. Just as the family of origin's influence on us is long-lasting, forgiveness too is not a matter that can be settled in a few words. And yet, the facts of the past can no longer be changed, and blame will only leave past wounds unable to heal. Perhaps what truly heals our hearts is a change in the mindset with which we view the problem.
In coming to know ourselves anew and facing up to our childhood, may we each find a way out for ourselves.
References
Brown, Jenny. “Bowen Family Systems Theory and Practice: Illustration and Critique.” Australian and New Zealand journal of family therapy 20.2 (1999): 94–103. Web.
Cowan, Philip A et al. “Parents’ Attachment Histories and Children’s Externalizing and Internalizing Behaviors: Exploring Family Systems Models of Linkage.” Journal of consulting and clinical psychology 64.1 (1996): 53–63. Web.
Haefner, Judy. “An Application of Bowen Family Systems Theory.” Issues in mental health nursing 35.11 (2014): 835–841. Web.
Larson, J. H., & Wilson, S. M. (1998). Family of origin influences on young adult career decision problems: A test of bowenian theory. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 26(1), 39-53.
Sabatelli, Ronald M., and Suzanne Bartle-Haring. “Family-of-Origin Experiences and Adjustment in Married Couples.” Journal of marriage and family 65.1 (2003): 159–169. Web.
Smith-Marek, Erika N. et al. “Effects of Childhood Experiences of Family Violence on Adult Partner Violence: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Journal of family theory & review 7.4 (2015): 498–519. Web.
Whiston, Susan C., and Briana K. Keller. “The Influences of the Family of Origin on Career Development: A Review and Analysis.” The Counseling psychologist 32.4 (2004): 493–568. Web.
Willis, Kwin et al. “Was Bowen Correct? The Relationship Between Differentiation and Triangulation.” Contemporary family therapy 43.1 (2021): 1–11. Web.
Comments
No comments yet — share your thoughts.