In life, we all meet people who arrive like passers-by — here in a rush, then quietly gone. Brief as they are, these relationships often leave a deep mark on our memories and feelings. Psychology research suggests that understanding the role of the "passer-by" can do more than help us release our regrets — it can let us learn more, and grow more, from these fleeting encounters. This article explores the value of transient relationships from a psychological perspective, and shares how to say goodbye and feel gratitude, so that every chance encounter becomes nourishment for growth.
What are transient relationships? And why do we care?
Transient relationships are the ones that appear quickly and leave just as quickly, yet still manage to move you (Hidd et al., 2023). It might be a short-lived romance, an encounter on a journey, or a brief working partnership.
Limited as the time may be, psychology research tells us that every encounter has its value. It can teach you how to express your needs and set boundaries, and help you better understand what you truly care about (Cohen, 2000).
Why do we feel regret over passers-by? Don't hold on too tightly
Many people dwell on transient relationships, and that is perfectly normal. Neoh et al. (2022) point out that our brains tend to idealise brief but intense emotions, magnifying the beautiful moments and overlooking how fleeting they really were.
Psychologists also note that in relationships, we often see the other person as an extension of ourselves (Aron et al., 1991). When they leave, that psychological "extension" is cut off, and a sense of loss naturally wells up. Once you understand this, you will see that your emotions are in fact perfectly normal — and there is no need to blame yourself.
A passer-by can also be a teacher: 4 things transient relationships teach us
Brief as they are, they often bring profound growth:
1) Knowing yourself: a transient relationship is a mirror
Brief interactions often reflect our emotional needs, fears and preferences (Gross, 2015). One might show you that you long for intimacy yet fear commitment; another might reveal the kind of personality you most admire. This awareness can help you understand, more clearly, what you truly need in future relationships.
2) Learning to let go: saying goodbye is a kind of growth practice
Transient relationships remind us that people coming and going is a normal part of life. Learning to accept separation helps strengthen psychological resilience (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Every goodbye is a chance to practise letting go and to heal your own heart.
3) Building empathy: even brief encounters can draw hearts closer
Even a fleeting interaction can help us learn to understand others and grow our empathy (Cohen, 2000). It reminds us that the value of a relationship lies not in how long it lasts, but in the experiences and feelings we gain from it.
4) Nourishment for growth: transient relationships help us reshape ourselves
Every fleeting encounter is an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. It can prompt you to rethink your boundaries and values, and even help you become more mature, and better at loving yourself, in your next relationship.
How do you say goodbye to a passer-by with gratitude in your heart? 3 suggestions
Saying goodbye to a transient relationship doesn't mean forcing yourself to "let go completely". What matters is to part with awareness, and to cherish the experience.
1) An honest goodbye: one sentence is enough
You can say something heartfelt to the other person, or simply whisper it in your mind: "Thank you for your company. I hope we both do well." This small sense of ritual can help your mind form a sense of closure and ease the regret.
2) Gratitude: turn memories into gifts
Even when it was brief, you can be grateful for the learning and growth this experience brought (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Recall what it taught you, and what it helped you discover about yourself. Gratitude isn't about clinging on; it's about affirming that it existed, so the memory can warm your heart.
3) Share your feelings: find a friend to talk to
Putting your feelings into words — whether with friends, family, or a counsellor — can help you process your emotions and speed up the healing (Neoh et al., 2022). Sometimes, saying it out loud is like giving yourself a gentle embrace.
5 psychological tips: let passers-by become a force for your growth
1) Write down the memory: put your experience with the passer-by into words, and let your mind form a complete full stop.
2) Label the emotion: name your feelings, such as "longing" or "loss", to help release them.
3) Reframe in your mind: see the ending as a new beginning, and turn the experience into nourishment for growth.
4) Set boundaries: understand the scope of a transient relationship, and avoid becoming overly dependent.
5) A gratitude practice: recall the lessons it brought, and feel grateful in your heart.
Passers-by are, in fact, one of life's gifts
Transient relationships remind us that people coming and going is a normal part of life. Passers-by may be brief, but every encounter can bring growth, insight and tenderness. Through the lens of psychology, we can learn to understand our emotions, say an honest goodbye, feel gratitude, and draw wisdom from every experience. When we learn to see passers-by this way, every fleeting encounter in life can become an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
Explore the MindForest App: learn to say goodbye to passers-by and let go of regret
Passers-by may be transient, but sometimes we still carry regret or unease about them. With the MindForest App, you can understand yourself better, and practise staying gentle, confident and inwardly calm even as a passer-by walks away.
? ForestMind AI: your psychological coach
When a transient relationship or a passer-by leaves you feeling anxious or full of regret, ForestMind AI offers warm suggestions tailored to your mood. It helps you sort through your emotions and understand your needs, so you can gradually learn to release the regrets of the past and stop being trapped by fleeting encounters.
? Insight Journal: capture the moments of meeting and parting
Write down the passers-by, the fleeting encounters, or the moments that moved you. This is more than a record of memories — it's a practice in conversation with yourself, helping you learn from every encounter and slowly find your way back to inner peace.
? Psychological assessment: see your own emotional patterns
Through a psychological assessment, you can understand your emotional reactions and needs more clearly, and recognise which passers-by are an inevitable part of life and which ones you can learn to let go of. It helps you gradually release the burdens you carry inside, and rediscover a more at-ease version of yourself.
Download MindForest now and start practising: facing passers-by, releasing regret, and loving yourself gently.
References
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Smollan, D. (1991). Inclusion of other in the self scale and the structure of interpersonal closeness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(2), 241–253. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.60.2.241
Cohen, S. (2000). Social relationships and health. American Psychologist, 59(8), 676–684. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.59.8.676
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781
Hidd, V. V., López, E., Centellegher, S., et al. (2023). The stability of transient relationships. Scientific Reports, 13, 6120. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-32206-2
Neoh, M. J. Y., et al. (2022). Negative emotional reactions to criticism: The role of personality and context. PLoS ONE, 17(6), e0269113. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0269113
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