When an Idol Dies, We Lose More Than a Stranger

It wasn't simply that one person had died

NBA superstar Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash in the early hours of 27 January, Hong Kong time

The writer, who looked up to Kobe as an idol, still found it hard to believe even as he wrote the line above, unable to accept that it was real. But these psychological wounds are not the subject of this piece, so we will leave them aside.

Over the past few days the internet has been full of pieces mourning Kobe, and one notices that some of the commentary is unhappy about it: why was there no public attention when a mainland doctor died on the very same day, yet so many people grieved over the death of a "Black Mamba"? Why would commentators make such cold-hearted remarks? Perhaps it is because they do not understand that Kobe was never as simple as just a "Black Mamba".

A loss of a role model and of meaning in life

Speak of Kobe and you must speak of his "Mamba Mentality" — throughout his basketball career he projected a set of vivid qualities: an obsessive will to win, a passion for competition, a harsh discipline towards himself and his teammates, and a fearless drive to strike back at his opponents.

According to the social learning theory of psychologist Albert Bandura, during the adolescent years in which our personalities take shape, we learn various values and morals from our surroundings. The most direct way to learn is to take an interesting, successful figure as a role model and observe and imitate their every word and action in real life.

So Kobe, as an enormously successful and prominent figure in the basketball world, became the object of imitation for many young men. His "Mamba Mentality" became a balm that spurred people on whenever they were down. For many, then, Kobe was not just a "Black Mamba" or a star, but a role model and a spiritual mentor.

There are also many people in society who are dissatisfied with their present lives yet feel powerless to change them, so they bottle up that sense of helplessness, and pin their rich inner lives on someone who has already made his name and possesses everything they wish for — Kobe. And so Kobe also became the spiritual anchor of many fans.

So although many fans never personally interacted with Kobe, and some never even saw him, given Kobe's importance in their hearts his sudden passing felt to them as sorrowful as the death of a close friend — and for some it even meant losing the figure they imitated or the thing they leaned on spiritually. The resulting loss of a role model, or setback in life's meaning, can lead to abnormal behaviour if it is not handled well, and even serious mental-health problems.

Whether it was the suicide of Leslie Cheung in the past or Kobe's crash this time, there are some fans who firmly believe their idol has not died, but has simply gone away to some far-off place, never to reappear. To onlookers such thoughts sound strange and absurd, but in the light of the analysis above they are not hard to understand. Their idol has not really gone away in body; rather, he has withdrawn deep within their hearts.

The importance of mourning

On the day Kobe died, tens of thousands of his fans gathered at once outside the home arena of the team he once played for, to lay flowers and mourn. Why did they do these things?

As mentioned in the paragraphs above, the death of an idol or someone important can easily give rise to emotional problems or a setback in life's meaning, a state we might call grief.

First of all, sorrow is a natural and normal psychological process. The psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D. proposed that sorrow unfolds in five stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — collectively known as the "grief cycle". The length and form of this sorrowful process vary from person to person. We should respect this series of psychological responses.

Mourning is the best way to deal with sorrow. For instance, the writer composing this piece, revisiting Kobe's spirit and image, is one form of mourning. Mourning can be individual, and it can also be collective. Collective mourning, such as a shared silence, lets the pain of those who grieve be understood, and lets the grieving support and accompany one another.

Through mourning, we are not only able to actively move through sorrow, but also to observe calmly how losing this important person affects us, and so to recover, through the loss of someone important, the meaning of life that was lost.