In this lifetime, have you ever met a soulmate who is truly your own?
Of all the people in the world, to meet the one you were meant to meet; across a thousand years, in the boundless wilderness of time, not a step too early and not a step too late, you happen to arrive at just the right moment. There is nothing to say, only a gentle question: "So you're here too."——Eileen Chang
Though my own prose could never match the beauty of hers, the experience of meeting a soulmate is one that many of us have felt. Today, I want to explore three aspects from a psychological perspective, to help you understand how to recognise a soulmate, along with the signs that mark one.
Soulmate Sign 1: A Sense of Synchronicity
How do you judge whether someone might be your soulmate? What is it that sets the way soulmates communicate apart? One of the key signs is "emotional synchronicity". Many people, when describing what it was like to meet their soulmate, mention a powerful sense of emotional synchronicity.
For instance, when you meet someone you feel drawn to but who hasn't yet become a soulmate, you'll usually find plenty to talk about and shared interests. In a soulmate relationship, that similarity is carried to a far deeper level. **Between soulmates, the sense of similarity is not merely sharing comparable experiences, memories or values; rather, as you experience the world together, your emotional states fall into close synchronicity. This shows up in how you communicate too — not just an agreement on what you talk about, but, more importantly, whether your emotional states resonate with one another.
Soulmate Sign 2: Intersubjectivity
As romantic as the word "soulmate" sounds, it actually carries a deeper philosophical meaning. Broadly speaking, we believe that human beings are, in essence, alone in this world. This solitude does not mean a lack of friends; it is a fundamental kind of aloneness. In other words, each of us comes into this world alone, lives out our life, and ultimately can only leave alone. Along the way, no one can fully accompany us through every experience, because each person's perception of the world is unique. Even amid the revelry of a crowd, every person's feelings remain different, and no one can truly share in this subjective solitude.
In psychology and philosophy, there is a concept called "Intersubjectivity". It refers to the way that, in intense emotional experiences, everyone's emotional states seem to merge into one (Benjamin, 1990). When you are with your soulmate, have you ever had an experience like this: time seems to stand still, and all that exists is the presence of each other? This is intersubjectivity made manifest.
It is worth noting that this intersubjectivity does not exist only in romantic relationships; it also appears in other human activities, such as religious rituals or war. When people are bound together by a shared goal, they enter into similar emotional states. Although the circumstances differ, the emotional responses are often extremely strong and alike. This feeling of merging into one with another person or a group is also one of the reasons soulmates are so compelling. It can momentarily ease our sense of fundamental solitude, even letting us forget it altogether.
Soulmate Sign 3: A Willingness to Strive and Give Together
One important condition in a soulmate relationship is that both partners are willing to put in the effort for the relationship. This is not just a matter of feeling; it is a necessary condition for sustaining a lasting soulmate relationship. It is connected to the concept of psychological projection in Jungian psychology. We often project our fantasy of an ideal partner onto the other person, viewing them as the embodiment of perfection. Yet the real person and the ideal image in our hearts never fully align, and this fantasy may ultimately shatter.
For example, a woman falls in love at first sight with someone, and he falls for her too, and the two regard each other as soulmates. In the early stages of the relationship, they may see only each other's surface strengths — say, the man's thoughtfulness or the woman's graceful charm — qualities that match the ideal image in their hearts. As time goes on, however, the two begin to grow closer, even travelling together or facing life's major events side by side, and the other person's other sides gradually come to light. The other person may, for instance, seem withdrawn or emotionally volatile at home, traits that clash with the original ideal image. At this point, the shattering of the fantasy leaves one feeling let down by reality. This pattern reflects a kind of cycle: an initial projection and infatuation, followed by the shattering of the fantasy, and then the search for the next ideal projection. Such a cycle often leaves people confused about love, and it becomes a portrait of some people's romantic histories.
When soulmates are both willing to put in the effort for the relationship — whether resolving conflict, supporting each other, or facing life's challenges together — this attitude of mutual commitment can deepen the emotional connection between them and strengthen trust and understanding. Such giving not only raises the quality of the relationship, but also makes the bond between soulmates more solid, forming a profound tacit understanding and a sense of reliance.
Download MindForest to Learn How to Be With Your Soulmate
MindForest is a psychology AI app that can help you better understand and navigate the challenges of a soulmate relationship.
1) Interactive psychology courses: The interactive courses offered by MindForest blend psychological knowledge to help you understand the emotional needs in a relationship, strengthening the tacit understanding and mutual understanding between soulmates.
2) Personalised advice powered by AI: The professional AI behind MindForest can offer tailored advice for your emotional situation. Whether you are handling conflict or strengthening your emotional connection, the AI can help you find the best way to sustain the relationship with your soulmate.
3) A soul journal to foster personal growth: In a soulmate relationship, recording and reflecting on your emotions is vital. The journaling feature in MindForest lets you record your everyday emotions and your interactions with your partner, helping you understand your role in the relationship more deeply and fostering both personal growth and the development of the relationship.
By using MindForest, you'll be able to master the psychological skills needed to sustain a soulmate relationship and improve your ability to handle emotional matters.
References
Benjamin, J. (1990). An outline of intersubjectivity: The development of recognition.Psychoanalytic Psychology, 7(Suppl), 33–46.
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