載入中…
正體中文English
Practice · when you feel lonely or out of touch
It's been a while, you'd like to reach someone, but you're afraid of bothering them, of it being awkward, of no reply? In five minutes, choose one person, write one short hello, decide when to send it, and settle first what you'll tell yourself if they don't reply.
Stuck at any step? Tap the top-right corner and ask ForestSage.When we feel lonely, many of us do have someone in mind, but never get round to it: afraid of bothering them, of it seeming weird to get in touch out of nowhere, of sending it and getting no reply. The longer the gap, the harder that hello seems to send.
Psychologists have tested this in many experiments. Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder at the University of Chicago asked commuters to chat with the stranger next to them; beforehand people expected it to be awkward and unwelcome, yet those who talked often had a more pleasant journey than those who sat in silence. Peggy Liu and colleagues asked people to send a simple hello to a friend they hadn't been in touch with for a while, then asked both sides: the senders often underestimated how glad the receivers were, and the more unexpected it was, the more it meant.
This exercise comes from that, in five steps: choose one person, guess how glad they'd be to hear from you, write a short message about one specific small thing, decide when to send it (or take a smaller step first, like saying good morning to a neighbour), and settle first what you'll tell yourself if there's no response. Once it's sent, you can come back, note how they actually reacted, and compare it with your guess.
Two things to be clear about. First, anyone who has hurt you, harassed you, or whom you've decided to stay away from is not on this list. Second, the research says "often", not "always": this exercise can't promise a reply or a friendship; no reply is often just a busy person, not a no.
If thinking about reaching out sets off a voice saying "no one wants to hear from me", you could first do the loneliness thought check, checking that line as a prediction, then come back for this small step.
This exercise isn't therapy and doesn't replace professional support. If loneliness has lasted a long time, or comes with low mood, talking with a counsellor or psychologist will take you further.
If it feels like too much, or you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, please reach out first: The Samaritans Hong Kong (24-hour) 2896 0000Emergency services 999
This exercise draws on two kinds of research: Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder's experiments asking commuters to talk to strangers, and Peggy Liu and colleagues' experiments on how much reaching out is appreciated; the steps, questions and examples are our own.