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Practice · when you feel lonely
A photo of friends out without you, a group chat that went quiet, and the voice says "no one wants to see me"? In ten minutes, check that line as a prediction: write what happened, what you actually know, then a fairer line for yourself.
Stuck at any step? Tap the top-right corner and ask ForestSage.Loneliness is a very common pain. The psychologists John Cacioppo and Louise Hawkley, who studied it for many years, found that when we feel lonely the mind watches extra hard for signs of rejection: a message read but not answered, a photo of friends out without you, all read as "they don't want to see me". It's a kind of protection, a fear of being hurt again.
The trouble is that these predictions make us reach out less, reply less and hold back when we meet; people get fewer chances to come closer, and the loneliness looks even more true, in a loop. Christopher Masi, Cacioppo and colleagues reviewed a large body of research on easing loneliness and found that approaches aimed at these negative expectations of others (the cognitive behavioural approach) helped more than simply adding social opportunities or teaching social skills.
This exercise comes from that: pick a moment you felt left out, write the prediction your mind made about others and how much you believe it, find what you actually know, write a line that admits both the hurt and the facts, then plan one very small try. It's like a thought record, but it stays with the few lines loneliness brings. The original method has one more step: after the try, come back, note what happened and rate the prediction again. Here we help you plan the try; once you've done it, you can do this exercise again with the result as "the moment".
One thing matters a lot: if you really are being shut out or picked on, or there really are few people around you, that isn't "overthinking". This checks only the prediction in your head; it doesn't ask you to deny a real situation. This exercise isn't therapy and doesn't replace professional support. If loneliness has lasted a long time, or comes with low mood, talking with a counsellor or psychologist will take you further.
If it feels like too much, or you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, please reach out first: The Samaritans Hong Kong (24-hour) 2896 0000Emergency services 999
This exercise draws on cognitive behavioural approaches from loneliness research (a review of many studies by Masi, Chen, Hawkley and Cacioppo); the steps, questions and examples are our own.