Whether in our relationships with family, friends, partners or even colleagues at work, trust is an indispensable ingredient — so much so that it is fair to call it the bedrock of every relationship. Today, let us look at trust from a psychologist's perspective: why it matters, and how we can build greater trust with the people around us.
Why trust matters
A classic psychology study found that trust is positively related to the love and happiness shared between partners: the greater the trust, the more partners love each other and the more happiness they find in the relationship. Another study showed that when employees trust their supervisors, they feel the team can offer them more resources and support; with that greater sense of security, they are able to show up with confidence and, in turn, perform better at work. Trust is no less vital to how a business builds relationships with its clients and grows its commercial influence. All of this reflects that trust simply cannot be overlooked — in intimate relationships, in the workplace, and in a company's image alike.
What is trust
Trust is not an obscure or unfamiliar concept to any of us, yet pinning down a definition is no easy task. According to the theory of psychologist John Rempel, trust between partners is made up of three elements: predictability, dependability and faith. Rempel held that trust represents a person's willingness to take the risk of relying on another, and to feel protected and safe in the process.
Predictability refers to whether a person's behaviour is stable and consistent. If someone is fickle and forever changing their mind, their low predictability makes it harder for them to earn others' trust. Predictable behaviour alone, of course, is not enough to make us trust someone. Dependability emphasises the other person's competence and whether we subjectively believe we can rely on them — whether we can show them our vulnerable side and place our trust in them. Both predictability and dependability are judgements we make based on the other person's past behaviour; trust, however, requires a willingness to rely on that person into the future as well. Faith is the conviction to keep believing in someone even without sufficient evidence. It represents a willingness to believe that, in an unknown future, a partner will still hold to the attitudes and behaviours of the past, and that we will still take the risk of trusting them going forward. According to Rempel's research, it is faith in one's partner that most strongly determines the love and happiness between them. Predictability, dependability and faith together make up the trust between lovers, contributing in an important way to an intimate relationship.
How to improve trust
Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development points out that in infancy (before the age of one) a person comes to understand, through interactions with their parents, whether this world is worthy of their trust. If parents fail to meet an infant's needs for food and care, the infant may lose hope in the world, coming to see it as dangerous and unpredictable — which shapes how they later view other people and whether they can build trust. Attachment theory likewise holds that a person's experiences in their family of origin affect how they relate to partners in the future. If parents fail to provide enough security as a child grows up, the child may develop an anxious attachment pattern, making it harder for them to have confidence in others later in life.
Trust in another person is not built overnight, but psychologists Andrea Bonior and Tara Well have offered plenty of suggestions on how to build trust with partners and as a team leader respectively.
Drawing on what they both say, the first way we can build trust with others is to do our best to keep our word — to be a person of integrity. This is not a "yes-man" piece of advice. In fact, plenty of people, in relationships or at work, say one thing and do another; that makes it impossible to achieve the "predictability" and "dependability" discussed above. Promises that cannot be kept are the single most important factor in eroding trust, so to improve others' trust in us, we must first pay attention to whether we are someone who keeps their word and acts with integrity — and then work on getting better.
The second suggestion is to be as transparent as possible. When a team leader makes a decision, letting the team understand more of your thinking, rather than the considerations hidden behind it, allows the leader to build a closer relationship with their subordinates — so that, once they understand the reasoning involved, they choose to rely on you. In a romantic relationship, partners can take the initiative to reveal more of their weaknesses or the secrets in their hearts, lowering their inner defences. Beyond showing trust in a partner, this can also foster deeper two-way engagement, letting the partner know that you are a sincere person.
Psychology helps us make sense of many psychological phenomena that are common yet hard to understand and hard to change. As a psychology education organisation, TreeholeHK takes on the work of spreading this knowledge: we currently offer online courses and in-person courses to help learners understand psychological behaviour, and we also provide corporate training services to improve your team's morale and take your business influence to the next level.
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