Thinking it over and over, still stuck? Ask "how" and take one step

Why does asking "why" keep you stuck?

Some thoughts turn over and over: "Why did this happen?" "Why is it always me?" "What if it happens again?" Psychologists call this repetitive thinking that drags your mood lower "rumination": what most people call overthinking. It feels like problem-solving, but when you finish, you usually don't have one more thing you know how to do, and you feel worse.

The British psychologist Edward Watkins noticed that how you think about something makes a big difference. Asking "why" in the abstract turns one event into a verdict on your whole self; asking "how" in concrete terms, about one real moment (how it unfolded, how you could handle it next time), makes a next step easier to find. He built this into rumination-focused CBT, and practising the shift from "why" to "how" is one of its core parts.

Most trials of this approach used group or online courses with a guide, practised over several weeks. This exercise lets you try the shift once and see the direction; it can't replace the full course.

This exercise isn't therapy and doesn't replace professional support. If the repetitive thinking has gone on for weeks and is affecting your sleep and daily life, or what comes up is a very painful experience such as a loss or being hurt, working through it with a counsellor or psychologist will take you further.

This exercise comes from rumination-focused CBT, developed by the British psychologist Edward Watkins. Most of the research on it used group or online courses with a guide; the steps and lines here are our own, written for this method.

How it works

1. 1Write down the question that's been going round in your head, and notice whether it's a "why" or a "what if".
2. 2Ask yourself honestly whether thinking this way has helped, and rate how stuck you are.
3. 3Pick one specific, everyday moment from recently: where, when, who, what happened. If it gets harder the more you think, you can pause, pick something smaller, or stop for today.
4. 4Ask "how": how did it unfold, step by step? Next time the same thing happens, how could you do it differently?
5. 5Set one small thing and when you'll do it, rate how stuck you are again, and keep it on your next-step card.

What this version leaves out

The full therapy practises over several weeks, including noticing in daily life when you start to circle; this exercise walks you through it once, and you can take your next-step card and do it again on your own.

References

1. Watkins, E. R. (2016). Rumination-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy for depression. Guilford Press.
2. Topper, M., Emmelkamp, P. M. G., Watkins, E., & Ehring, T. (2017). Prevention of anxiety disorders and depression by targeting excessive worry and rumination in adolescents and young adults: A randomized controlled trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 90, 123–136.