Feels like it's there all the time? Find the times it was less bad

What is finding exceptions?

When you're feeling low and stuck on the same problem, it's easy to feel it's there all the time. In fact a problem is rarely just as heavy every moment: there are times it's lighter, shorter, or doesn't show up at all. Solution-focused therapy calls these times "exceptions". Finding exceptions means picking out one of them, seeing what was different and what you did, then doing a little more of it on purpose.

The method comes from solution-focused brief therapy. It spends less time on where a problem came from and more on finding what already works. Asking about exceptions is one of its most-used questions.

Research has found that answering exception questions lifts mood more than talking only about the problem; overall, solution-focused therapy helps many people, though the quality of studies varies. This exercise lets you try it once on your own; it can't replace a full course of therapy.

This exercise isn't therapy, and it isn't a crisis tool. If this has troubled you for a long time or keeps getting heavier, or you're having thoughts of not wanting to live or of hurting yourself, please reach out: a counsellor, a psychologist, or one of the lines answered around the clock.

Finding exceptions comes from solution-focused brief therapy, developed by Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg and their team in Milwaukee, USA. The steps and wording here are our own, written to that method.

How it works

1. 1Write in one line what's been troubling you lately.
2. 2Look back over the last month or two for a time it was less bad, or didn't show up at all; write when and where. If none comes, the exercise asks once in another way, then doesn't push.
3. 3Write what was different from usual that time: what you were doing, who was around, what was on your mind.
4. 4Write what you did that made it less bad, however small.
5. 5Pick one thing you wrote, decide when this week you'll do it again, and keep it on your exceptions card. Next time you come back, the exercise asks how it went first.

Three solution-focused exercises

Finding exceptions looks back, for a time that already happened and was less bad. If you can't say what you want, try the miracle question first, and picture the morning the problem is gone; to see where you are and whether things are moving, try the scaling question and rate it from 0 to 10. You can do them separately, or take turns over a few days.

What this version leaves out

In therapy, a therapist would spend longer helping you go through an exception in detail, pick up exceptions you mention in passing, and use scaling questions to follow the change between sessions. Here it's condensed into one exercise you can do on your own; you can come back in a few days and note what happened when you tried.

References

1. de Shazer, S. (1985). Keys to solution in brief therapy. W. W. Norton.
2. Neipp, M. C., Beyebach, M., Sanchez-Prada, A., & Delgado Álvarez, M. C. (2021). Solution-focused versus problem-focused questions: Differential effects of miracles, exceptions and scales. Journal of Family Therapy, 43(4), 728–747.
3. Franklin, C., et al. (2024). Solution-focused brief therapy in community-based services: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled studies. Research on Social Work Practice, 34(3), 265–276.
4. Gingerich, W. J., & Eisengart, S. (2000). Solution-focused brief therapy: A review of the outcome research. Family Process, 39(4), 477–498.