On a night you can't cope, soothe yourself with your senses

What is self-soothing with the five senses?

Self-soothing comes from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), developed by the psychologist Marsha Linehan. DBT includes a skills training for handling intense emotions, and part of it is a set of distress-tolerance skills: ways to get through the hardest stretch, when the situation can't be changed right away, without doing something that makes it worse. Self-soothing is one of them.

The idea is simple: use sight, sound, smell, taste and touch to look after yourself gently, the way you'd look after someone you care about. It won't fix what's hurting, and it isn't about cheering up straight away; it lets your body slow down first and keeps you company through the night.

The original skill goes through all five senses in the moment. This exercise prepares first instead: one thing per sense, already within reach at home, goes into your five-senses kit; you use one or two now and keep the rest for next time. At the end you note which one comforted you most, so you can start with it next time.

No study has tested self-soothing on its own; it is one part of DBT skills training, and the full skills training, led by trained instructors, is supported by research. This exercise isn't therapy and doesn't replace professional support. If hard nights are becoming more frequent, working with a counsellor or psychologist to understand why will take you further.

Self-soothing is adapted from Marsha Linehan's dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) skills training, one of its skills for getting through an emotional crisis. The steps and examples here are rewritten in our own words.

How it works

1. 1Right now: pick what tonight's hard feeling is closest to, and rate how hard it is from 0 to 10.
2. 2Your kit: for sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, choose one thing already within reach at home. Tap an example or write your own; any slot can stay empty.
3. 3Use it: pick one or two things from the kit and take each in slowly with a one-minute guide. If you feel worse, stop at any time.
4. 4Check again: rate how hard it is again, choose the one that comforted you most, and keep the whole kit on your five-senses card, ready for next time.

Things to keep in mind

If you want to hurt yourself or end your life right now, please don't treat this as a routine exercise; reach out now. These lines are answered around the clock; in an emergency, call 999:

The Samaritans Hong Kong (24-hour) 2896 0000Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 2389 2222Suicide Prevention Services 2382 0000Caritas Family Crisis Support Centre 18288Hospital Authority Mental Health Direct (24-hour) 2466 7350Emergency services 999

Choosing "I want to hurt myself" at the start takes you straight to the support lines.

For taste, choose something without alcohol first; with food or drink, a small sip or bite is enough. If food is a sensitive subject for you, you can skip that slot without giving a reason.

Sometimes a song or a smell brings back a bad memory. If you feel worse, stop at any time and swap to something else.

References

1. Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
2. Linehan, M. M., Korslund, K. E., Harned, M. S., Gallop, R. J., Lungu, A., Neacsiu, A. D., McDavid, J., Comtois, K. A., & Murray-Gregory, A. M. (2015). Dialectical behavior therapy for high suicide risk in individuals with borderline personality disorder: A randomized clinical trial and component analysis. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(5), 475–482.
3. Neacsiu, A. D., Eberle, J. W., Kramer, R., Wiesmann, T., & Linehan, M. M. (2014). Dialectical behavior therapy skills for transdiagnostic emotion dysregulation: A pilot randomized controlled trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 59, 40–51.