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Practice · comforting yourself in a hard moment
Think of something that's been hurting lately. You'll say that this moment is hard, remember you're not the only one who feels this way, then rest a hand on your chest and say one kind thing to yourself.
Stuck at any step? Tap the top-right corner and ask ForestSage.When something hurts, many of us start by blaming ourselves: "I've messed up again", "I'm useless". A self-compassion break is a pause in that moment to treat yourself the way you'd treat a good friend: say that this moment is hard, remind yourself you're not the only one who feels this way, then rest a hand on your chest and say one kind thing to yourself.
The exercise was designed by the American psychologist Kristin Neff, who has studied self-compassion for many years. With the psychologist Christopher Germer she later built it into the Mindful Self-Compassion programme. The three lines match the three parts of self-compassion: noticing that you're hurting, knowing that hurt is something everyone goes through, and being kind to yourself.
Self-compassion isn't self-pity, and it isn't making excuses. It doesn't make the problem go away; it keeps you company while it hurts, so you have the strength to face it. Some people feel awkward, or even worse, the first time they're kind to themselves. That's common, so every step can be skipped, swapped for plainer words, or stopped.
This exercise isn't therapy and doesn't replace professional support. If the hurt is heavy, or keeps coming back, facing it with a counsellor or psychologist will take you further.
The self-compassion break was designed by the American psychologist Kristin Neff, who later built it, with Christopher Germer, into the Mindful Self-Compassion programme. The steps and lines here are our own, written for this method.